We know, we know, you’ve heard all this incredible stuff about Greece and just can’t wait to go there. Well, not to be the metaphorical fly in the soup, but there is categorically no reason to go to Greece, especially the so-called ‘amazing’ islands you’ve heard people gushing about.

Of course, we suppose you feel like we need to defend ourselves on this? Very well, let's get this sorted so you can book your next holiday to somewhere much nicer.

Ready?

The Food Is Deceiving

man with phone

In life, there are just some natural laws that we can all agree on, like the fact buttered bread will always fall face down or that a cat meowing at a door will inevitably refuse to leave after you’ve gone to all the effort to stand up and let it out. These things are just a given, an irritating and weird alchemy that us humans can’t explain.

Well, another one that’s in a similar vein is this: food that tastes good is guaranteed to be bad for you. We know this, we’ve come to terms with it and have all secretly wept about what this means for our chocolate lust.

That said, it’s great to eat something bad and feel like a bit of a rebel, isn’t it? Play the maverick every once in a while? Throw off the shackles of goodie-two-shoes and snaffle up an extra square of Dairy Milk?

Well, Greece robs you of this.

 Oh yes, in Greece the rules don’t apply, the food tastes amazing, we’re talking sinfully good, and then you find out it’s predominantly healthy! There’s the fresh fish and olives, sweet tomatoes and crisp greenery as well as the delicious Moussaka, delightful Calamari and the hearty Kleftiko. You can’t move for all the wonderful dining opportunities and you’re just going to have to accept that here, you can’t be the bad-food rebel you want to be.

In Greece, the sad reality is you’ll love the food and be better for it whether you like it or not! You’ll be coerced into a healthy way of life and frankly, it takes the biscuit.

Sorry, we wish things were different, but they just aren’t.

It’s Too Instagramable

man with phone

So, there you are, notionally on holiday, and what do you find? Well, that the crystal-clear sea and blindingly blue sky, as well as everything in between, is all but crying out for you to start taking snaps. Oh yes, but where to start? And for how long? The choice is apparently endless whilst your phone battery is not. Before you know it the panic sets in that you might not capture it all and you’re reduced to a weeping mess against a staggeringly beautiful backdrop.

We don’t wish to cause alarm but the danger of visiting any of the Greek islands is that you are in real danger of catching a lethal case of the repetitive-camera-snapping lurgy. In really severe cases this can lead to obsessive scrap-booking and eventual social-shunning.

Just don’t bother ok? No good can possibly come of it. 

Myrtos Beach

Mythios Beach

If you head to Kefalonia (a particularly tricky island that’s full of the aforementioned issues) you’ll likely as not be directed towards Myrtos Beach, frequently held aloft as one of the most beautiful beaches in the world and perfect for soaking up the sun.

Which is all very well but when we went there we discovered several real problems. For example, you get sand between your toes. Yep, real sand, right between your toes. Which had us asking what bright spark dreamt that up.

That’s just the start though, if you stand in the sea and don’t keep your wits about you, seaweed can tangle around your leg and make you scream like an 8-year-old because of course, your first assumption is that Nessie is on her holidays too and has chosen you as a snack. All of which can lead to awkward drinks with your friends afterward.

And then there’s the quest to get the perfect selfie while lounging on your towel. Well, let us tell you, even the likes of Margot Robbie and Benedict Cumberbatch would pale beside the backdrop of Myrtos, its just a natural looker and us mere mortals are always going to feel outshined in its presence.

Turns out life truly can be a real beach.

 The Natural Attractions Are Dangerous

sea turtle mouth open

Oh yes sir, we know we sound like we’re being sticks in the mud, but we’ve lost more members of staff than we can count to Greek nature. You see, there’s this endless stream of things to do and see, from touring the many stunning caves (like the cave of Melissani with the ‘skylight’) to the diverse diving opportunities. Heck, you can just be sat having a perfectly pleasant meal outside and find a Turtle has had the audacity to swim past only a yard away!

Which is very well until you get a taste for it, before you know it every waking moment is in pursuit of another natural wonder! And if our staff are anything to go by it means handing in your notice and declaring you’re going to become a wildlife photographer!

Trust us, it’s all very well having your head turned by the sultry glance of a gecko but get too involved and you’ll find yourself pining for it all hours of the day.

And to think people encourage this level of curiosity…

greece skyline

So what have we learned? Well, that the Greek Islands are a gross waste of your time and a potential minefield of problems. All that health and beauty and fun (a greatly overestimated commodity in our mind) will one way or another be the ruin of you.

Please see sense and book somewhere nice.

Still want to go? Well, if you must